White Silence

I participated in a photo shoot yesterday for my friend Naaman Rodges upcoming single “white Silence”. I can’t cry on command so I didn’t know how this was going to go. But the second he put his hand over my mouth, I felt the biggest wave of sadness wash over me. When I saw the pictures today, it made me think of how many times I have been silenced in the name of White Comfort. No more.

These images are

•That time I sat in your parents hot tub and listened to your mom say she’s not racist cuz she had a colored friend growing up.

•That time I got called the N word at a party in college and my friend who took me didn’t say anything but asked me to leave.

•The times you told me “you’re a good one, you’re not like those other black people”.

•The times I have heard all of your racist jokes and just been met with “oh it’s just a joke”.

•The times I have written whole dissertations for y’all only to be met with pushback.

•The times you slide in my DMs telling me not to post about race cuz it could hurt my small business.

•The events after events that I have attended as the only POC and y’all don’t even realize that no one there looks like me.

•That time I told you I didn’t want to lead worship in your kids ministry because I was tired of these white children from Aledo staring at me because I was the only person of color they saw. and you didn’t listen.

•What working in your companies feel like.

•What sitting in your classrooms feel like.

•The texts and emails I get from people trying to tone police me.

•That time I told you I want to talk about race and my experience as a black man and you told me that meant I had to listen to your political views first.

•And to Watermark Community Church, my former church home of five years, this is you. Looking back, this is what each meeting, conversation, email, lunch, coffee, felt like. This is why I left. I could not think of a more perfect picture than this one to describe my experience trying to talk to y’all about race.

“Do you recognize me? Do you know who I am? Do you see me now, do you see me now? You’re the one who looked right through me, now you are saying that you knew me when I was invisible”.

Photographer : Nick McClanahan

Upcoming single “White Silence” by Naaman Rodges