I Will Lean Back: A Father’s Day Reflection
Today Is Father’s Day. I am aware that it is a day of celebration and honor, but I’m also aware that it can be painful/bittersweet for some. I personally have a complicated relationship with my Father and this holiday. For various reasons, my Father and I have a distant (geographically and emotionally) and complicated relationship. He was not a perfect Dad and he is not a perfect human. Time has given me the opportunity to see some different perspectives and the ability to understand, empathize and move towards forgiveness and reconciliation, as far as it depends on me. To be honest, there is a lot of hurt and questions that I’m working through. While we did not speak today, I still want to acknowledge him however I can. As I get older, I see some of my Dad’s best traits in myself. He taught me to be generous, he taught me to be hospitable, he gave me my love of music, and he instilled in me a hard work ethic/grind that has been a driving force in my life. For those things, I honor him.
I also honor the MANY INCREDIBLE men in my life who have stood in/stepped up to the plate for me as Fathers/mentors the last fifteen years of my life. You all have helped mold me into the man I am today, and I wouldn’t be the person I am without y’all.
I know that I am not alone in regard to today being a bit weird emotionally. Some of y’all are wrestling through abandonment issues. Some are Some of y’all are wrestling with anger. Some of y’all have been deeply hurt and wounded. It’s tough and it’s okay to acknowledge that. Be patient and extend grace to yourself. I also acknowledge that some women are having to raise their kids on their own and this day is difficult for you as well.
Some of y’all are mourning the death of your Dad today. I can’t imagine that sting. Some Dad’s today are mourning the loss of a child. Some men today are wrestling with the desire to be a Dad and the pain of that not happening yet. Some men are maybe wresting with guilt and regret today for how the mistakes they have made as Fathers. It isn’t too late, you can always course correct. My heart is with anyone in those camps.
To the men in my life who are fathers/spiritual fathers/mentors, Happy Fathers Day to y’all! Especially to my friends who are Dads, it is so encouraging and healing for me to watch y’all be Dad’s! Raising kids isn’t easy. Extend yourself grace too. You’re doing better than you think you are!
No Matter where you are today, I want you to know that God sees you, loves you and cares deeply for you. Our heavenly Father is always there for all of us. I leave you with lyrics from a song that is bringing me peace as I experience some uneasiness today.
“I will lean back in the loving arms of a beautiful Father.
Breathe deep and know that He is good,
He is a love like no other”
“The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want” Psalm 23:1
Henry Wasonga Abuto
