My Story...A Year Three Update

I don’t even know where to start. The last twelve months, a lot has changed, and a lot has stayed the same. I still believe and profess that following Jesus is worth it at all costs, because he paid the ultimate price for me to have an abundant life. In the last year, I have gotten to meet, worship with, host, and just experience life with other believers who are on this same journey I’m on. I didn’t know just how bad my heart was aching for this group of people. Through twitter, Facebook, and a conference I went to last July, I am now connected to hundreds of people who are on this path. Their bravery, honesty, and commitment to Christ makes them all my personal heroes.

Last year, I was wrestling with a lot of anxiety about what the next year was going to look like. TONS of my close friends were getting married, people started having kids, life was changing all around me. I felt like I was getting left behind. I mentioned this to my dear friend/brother (and forever Pastor) Garrett Raburn and he reminded me that God wasn’t ripping me off. He said that as other people move forward into what God has for them, God is also moving me towards what he has for me. My life doesn’t have to look like the lives of those around me for me to believe that God cares about me. Amen Pastor! I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, comparison is really the thief of joy! Whenever I get in my head about the future, my best friend John Satriano often says to me “you’re going to get there and realize it wasn’t as bad or as scary as you thought it was going to be”. Like usual, he is right. Here we are a year later and I’m still plugging along. I’ve witnessed that in the middle of darkness, God’s light can pierce through in the most beautiful ways, sometimes in the form of a bright red jacket. Thank you Joel Labrosse, I love you. As much as there is to fear, there is so much unexpected joy to be experienced if we simply lean into it.

In the past year, I’ve gotten to write a bit more and have had some small things published here and there. Writing for people who don’t know me has reminded me that God’s truth is universal. We are all longing, searching and seeking to be found. We all want to be known. I’ve also been given some upcoming speaking/teaching opportunities that I’m excited and nervous about. And after 18 months, I finally finished the book I began writing that I mentioned last year. It makes writing this update hard because I don’t want to give too much away or say the same thing twice! I am in the slow and painful stages of editing it now. I can’t wait for y’all to read it. I am humbled by the platforms God has given me and the doors he is opening for me. To be honest, I am terrified about some of them. But God is on my side and he goes before me to prepare a place.

I’ve experienced some challenges too. I still wrestle with belonging. I’ve had to come to terms with my idolatry of friendships that I sometimes experience. (Chiiiile, you will certainly read about that in the book!) I’ve had to learn to be courageous and speak up about things in the church that I believe are unbiblical. I’ve learned more than ever how important it is to use my voice to speak for the marginalized, the forgotten, the displaced. My friend Caley has been instrumental in my growth in this area. And let me tell y’all, sometimes people don’t like the truth. I speak the truth in Love and leave the rest to Jesus. I’ve experienced painful separations, bittersweet endings, but through it all, I serve the God of hope! And hope does not put us to shame.

I’ve also learned that there is freedom in loving people without expectations. I am called to love freely because I have been loved freely. We can place so many conditions and expectations on people. If you only love people if they fit a certain version of who you want them to be or who you think they should be, that’s not love, that’s a transaction. And a cheap one at that. Loving people is fun! Meeting people where they are, coming alongside them, and walking with them into who God wants them to be is such a joy to me. I see my sister Danielle Satriano do this often and I’m so blown away.

If you keep up with my life, you’ve probably noticed that I have people over to my house for dinner often. Last fall, I read a book that talked about the concept of “radical hospitality”. I resonated with it so much and realized that’s part of who I am and what I’ve been doing all along. If I’m going to steward the gift that God has given me well, that’s how I’m going to do it. May my home and life be a place where people can come and be fed, (physically and spiritually), be known, and just be a place of refuge. Where they can be themselves and not have to worry about being judged or not being good enough. They Just get to be. And each meal or conversation I have with someone has truly enriched my life. Hebrews tells us “Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for thereby some have entertained angels unaware”. To sit around lost in deep conversation after the food has gone cold and the candles are beginning to flicker is truly one of my happiest places! Learn to love people. Learn to know people. We live in such a lonely world. Give love freely and watch it come back to you.

When I wrote last years update, I was in the middle of a depression of sorts (that I was unaware of until it ended) and I was beginning to process the fact that I was also experiencing heart break. It was (and in some ways still), extremely sorrowful.I had come to the point where I had to face just how difficult and painful following Christ can be. The costly obedience of denying oneself something for the sake of Christ. In the Gospel of Luke, Jesus says “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me”. And the truth is, as followers of Jesus, we all have crosses that we are called to carry. There are days and seasons where we might not want to. There are days that the cross feels so heavy, so burdensome. But like Jesus said in the Garden, “Nevertheless, not my will, but yours, be done.” So I press on. Because Jesus gave up everything, I give my all to him. All to thee my blessed savior, I surrender all.

One last confession, sharing like this gives me anxiety sometimes. But time and time again, I hear back from people who tell me that my journey helps them on theirs. And If my story and my life can help even just one person, it is so worth it. I was on the phone with a trusted friend yesterday and our conversation reminded me that authenticity is worth it. Thanks, Ryan Parker!

I'm often scared of being seen, often scared of saying what I mean. I feel that every word is a window to my vulnerability but no matter how hard it is, I want to stand and speak the truth. No matter how hard it is, no shame, I’ll say it now.

Henry