Everything Belongs: A Revoice 19 Experience
“We are the change the world is waiting for. We've got a love the world is desperate for.
We will lead and take to your streets.
Now's the time for us to rise and carry hope and let love shine, and show this world that mercy is alive. Now's the time for us to rise and carry hope to hopeless eyes, and show this world that mercy is alive.
We're not afraid. we will abandon all, to hear your name on lips across the world.
We will run in the wake of your love” -The Church by Elevation Worship
Three weeks ago, I attended the 2nd Annual Revoice Conference in St. Louis, Missouri. The mission of Revoice is “To support and encourage gay, lesbian, bisexual, and other same-sex attracted Christians—as well as those who love them—so that all in the Church might be empowered to live in gospel unity while observing the historic Christian doctrine of marriage and sexuality.” That is a hefty mission, and just in its second year, Revoice is carrying it out well. Not perfectly, but very well.
Having attended the inaugural conference last year, I was excited to go back this year as an attendee, and I was humbled by the opportunity I was given to lead a workshop. The experience I had last year was truly nothing short of life changing. The theme of Resurrection and the story of Lazarus were heavy on my mind and heart at the conference last year. In big and small ways, I felt the spirit calling people to full life. You can read about it here if you’d like. I was unsure what my experience was going to be like this year, but I was hopeful. In the eleven months between the two conferences, I had developed some strong relationships with people I had met there last year, and with people I have gotten to know through an online forum that connects a large number of us. It felt like we were all going to a family reunion. A big, beautiful family reunion, where everyone and everything belongs. It felt like we were going to experience a little bit of the Kingdom of God on earth, and for that, I was filled with hope. At Revoice19, I felt a call to a hopeful and faithful perseverance. There was a different feeling in the air and and in the hearts of the attendees. It felt mission filled and forward focused. I saw a group of people walking in their purpose for God, readying for the day we enter the eternal Kingdom. In What ways did I see that? Let me walk you through some of my Revoice19 experience.
As I pulled into St. Louis, I began to feel anxious. Going into the conference this year held a different weight for me. I felt inadequate and unworthy in some ways, and I was afraid of letting people down with my workshop and presence. But God is good! A friend randomly called and prayed for me until I got to the Airbnb I would be staying at for five days with seven other guys. I felt a peace begin to wash over me. Once I settled in, I made my way to the airport to pick up a friend from New Jersey! It was our first time to meet in person after a year of texts and phone calls. It was a very surreal experience, one that would be repeated many times over at Revoice. From there, we went to an unofficial gathering for some of the speakers/presenters that were already in town. It was fun getting to connect in such a relaxed atmosphere.
Wednesday morning, I went to a coffee shop with two of the housemates to get some work done and finish working on my talk. When I got back to the Airbnb, my friend Joe had gotten in from New York. I could hear him from the inside, and he could hear me, and we were both so excited we couldn’t get the door open. Joe and I met last year at the conference and he is someone I talk to almost daily. We hugged and cried like siblings reunited! After that, we all went to the Pre-Conference workshop that was being put on by the folks over at Spiritual Friendship. When Johanna Finegan gave her talk, it was immediately clear that Revoice 19 was going to have a different tone than last year. Yes, there would be room for lament and fellowship, but we were being called to action. To boldness. To shed passivity, and to carry our messages of God’s goodness in our lives with love and unwavering conviction. Some things she touched on were hard pills to swallow but they were truthful, and she spoke them in love. Another pre-conference speaker was my friend Kevin. He is a pastor in upstate New York and is such a gifted writer and speaker. His message was a reminder to us that as followers of Christ, we are on a pilgrim’s journey. Kevin reminded us that “as believers we witness not only with our words but with our very lives…In Christ, we are always in-between. In-between cultural identities, in-between our lives in this world and the next. We live in-between. This is a difficult and painful calling, but can it be that this particular pain, this particular wound—this homelessness—is actually the gift that God has given us to nurture? Can it be that in Christ, this wound is taken up in the wounds of Christ, and there offered to the world, as Jesus offered his wounds to Thomas—to touch and see and come to believe? Can you imagine that in that very wound, God meets you, and in that wound, as you offer it up to God, the glory of God—the beauty and goodness and truth of our friend and savior Jesus Christ—is made known to those around you?” Amen, Kevin. Amen!
From there, we went our individual ways for dinner and then gathered back up at the gorgeous Stifle Theater for the official opening event of the conference. I started crying the minute I set foot in the auditorium. I looked around and saw hope all around me. To worship with an auditorium full of believers who are all carrying the same cross I’m carrying was, once again, overwhelming. My heart swelled with the feeling of “okay, we are not alone. We can do this.” Let our crosses be the very same hope we carry into the world as we declare that Jesus is better, and he is bigger than we can even imagine. Dr. Wesley Hill, a prominent author and theologian (and one of the great heroes of my life) gave the opening address and his message also carried themes of hope, reminders of God’s grace, and a call to action. In his nurturing voice, Dr. Hill reminded us that “your failures are not the defining word in your relationship to God. You are forgiven, accepted, welcomed and invited even in the middle of that failure. We serve a God who will not allow our failures to be the final word with us and him. We are called to be those who say Christ is enough even when it feels like he is not. Part of our witness means living with some of the pain from the celibate life itself. But live with a reckless disregard of what others might think of your devotion to Jesus. Follow the one who has restored you to fellowship with himself.” In that opening address, Dr. Hill urged us to keep going forward following Jesus regardless of what others may think or say about us. We have something to offer the world and the Church. That is Revoice.
Something most people find surprising about me is that I’m an introvert and that I feel socially awkward and uncomfortable everywhere. It is not how I come off, but it is very much a big part of what I wrestle with. So just imagine how I felt when I woke up Thursday and realized that I actually HAD to teach my workshop that day. I was a wreck. My workshop was entitled “Everything Belongs” and the description read as follows;
“What happens when you grow up at the crossroads of multiple cultures and desperately just want to find your own voice? What does it look like for you to accept yourself in a world that seemingly has no place for you? How does following Jesus allow you to be the most full and authentic version of yourself? How do we honor our unique kingdom-given differences as believers and use our cultural backgrounds to point wholly to the personhood of Jesus? Led by Henry Abuto, this workshop will feature his story of growing up and coming to terms with his sexuality as an immigrant from Kenya trying to assimilate into mainstream American culture while also trying to find his footing and place in the landscape of being a black man in America. “
I went over my notes for what felt like the millionth time, rehearsed a few worship songs, and headed to the hall I would be teaching in. My friends from back home (and all over) were sending me encouraging texts, scripture and other sweet gestures to show their love and support and they sustained me that morning! Right around 1:20pm, One by one, people started filing into the space. I left and went to pray with my friend Meg, who was teaching another workshop down the hall. I walked back into my now filled lecture room. I prayed and kicked of my workshop by singing/playing “my hope is built on nothing less” in English and then in Swahilli. Since I was teaching a workshop on multiculturalism and how everything belongs to and in the kingdom of God, I was going to use all parts of my background. Starting off with worship made me comfortable enough to ease into my talk! I presented about forty minutes worth of content, and then went into a LENGTHY Q&A session. I’ll eventually post my full talk somewhere. Honestly, that was a fun experience for me. I got some great and challenging questions. Turns out, I really like teaching! After Q&A, I went into interactive worship. My friend Chris Hardy and I did a few songs in English, Swahilli and Luo, my tribal language. I ended the workshop by teaching the crowd “God is so good” in a few languages. Hearing people sing back to me and praise God in languages that were not their own was the perfect way to end my workshop. Everything belongs. All of me belongs to Jesus. I have learned that even if the world and its different groups reject me, Jesus wants and has always wanted all of me. There are so many ways the world wants us to believe we don’t belong anywhere. In the last five years of my walk with Christ, I have realized that I’m most fully alive when I’m worshipping the one who created me. A life of complete surrender to him frees me up to be fully myself. Most of the time, when we think of surrender, we think of what we are giving up. But that’s not true for us as believers. Jesus gave up his life for us to have everything and as we lay our lives down before him, we find our truest selves.
With my workshop complete, I went upstairs and found a couch in the lobby to be an introvert alone and recharge. I was about ten minutes into that when one of my personal heroes and a giant in the faith, Dr. Wesley Hill, (who gave the opening address the night before) walked up to me. His books and other writings have changed my life and ministered to me in some very heavy seasons of my walk. We had connected last year and when I saw him again this year on my first night there, we had made unofficial coffee plans for some time during the conference. He had been at my workshop, (which terrified me!) and he gave me great feedback. He asked if I wanted to catch up and the only answer to that was yes! We got a drink and traded life stories. The hour I spent with him was so encouraging and refueling. It gave me a renewed sense of hope on my journey. After that, I got dinner with my friend Kevin and relished in the time we got to share our hopes, dreams, and fears with one another. The Christian journey is a lot easier when we practice the one anothers found in scripture, and Kevin does that well.
Friday and Saturday, I got to just be a participant and it was in observing that I truly got to see Revoice19 come alive. I saw the inclusion of women teaching multiple workshops, people of color given platforms, and a mission entered movement. I saw Revoice becoming this thing that I genuinely believe is going to pierce the heart of the American Church and carry a light into the world. I saw a group of people rising, rolling up their sleeves and being willing to step into some of the messy areas of Grace that our churches are often too afraid to step into. I saw a celebration of giftings and differences. And above all, I saw a faithful obedience to scripture.
If you read my reflection from last year, then you know that I had dinner at an Indian restaurant with a group of people that was extremely life giving. I went back to the restaurant this year and the dinner conversation was everything you could ever hope to have in a meaningful dialogue. There were seven of us there and we brought to the table different ethnicities, languages, races, cultures, denominations, and experiences. My friend Ben who was serving as the MC of the entire conference was there at the dinner table. Seeing how he asked questions and listened to the others was a Master Class in communication. Everyone at the table was so bold and authentic. I thought to myself “Why aren’t all our churches like this? Why is our world not like this? Why are we not getting together with people different from us and listening to one another?” We spoke into one another’s lives, encouraged one another, challenged one another and loved each other. That dinner table, the people around it, and the conversations in the air was a foreshadowing of the Kingdom of God.
The conference was beautiful. I left St. Louis with a grateful heart, some new friendships, and most importantly, a renewed sense of purpose clothed in hope. And Hope does not put us to shame!
I enjoyed the deep conversations and connections. Seeing David Gill (Choir director and worship leader) get emotional as he took in the conference from the stage was very moving. I was so proud of those that spoke, taught, volunteered and served. Stephen Moss, I am in awe of your willingness to sacrifice and serve others so well. Nate Collins, Revoice President and co-founder gave a heartfelt and moving closing address. He outlined his vision for the future, and it is a future I am grateful to be a part of. Over the last two years, Revoice has received a lot of criticism. Some have been valid and valuable, but most of the critiques have been ill-informed and extremely uncharitable. I thought about addressing that here, but I won’t let distractions get in my way as I live for Jesus. I ask the Lord to fill all our hearts with compassion and that our love for him and others be the loudest thing we Revoice.
Henry Wasonga Abuto
Photo courtesy of Gregg Webb
