I Will Climb This Mountain With my Hands Wide Open
I want to start this entry by acknowledging that the past two months of 2020 have been rough in different ways for everyone. In ways that we are still trying to comprehend. So, as I write, please understand that I’m writing from my own perspective/outlook, with the dire hope of even encouraging just one person, and with the full acceptance of possible rejection.
Proverbs 3:5 “Trust in the lord with all of your heart and do not lean on your own understanding.” That verse has been stuck in my head since Easter. It’s my favorite Holiday. Yet this year, I found myself celebrating it differently than I normally do. I was alone. Like most of us were. If not, we were with very few people.
THIS IS MY HOLIDAY. Chiiile, I WAS BASICALLY DISTRAUGHT. I felt sad, alone, and anxious. If you know me, you know that I think in music. “I lean not on my understanding; my life is the hands of maker of Heaven. I give it all to you God, trusting that you’ll make something beautiful out of me. So I will climb this mountain with my hands wide open, I will climb this mountain with my hands wide open.”My friend Will Reagan (From United Pursuit, and yes I will name drop this one) wrote a song called “Climb”.
I have LOVED that song years, but a recent listen has changed my perspective over these last few days “I lean not on my understanding, my life is the hands of maker of Heaven. I give it all to you God, trusting that you’ll make something beautiful out of me. So I will climb this mountain with my hands wide open, I will climb this mountain with my hands wide open.”
No, the repetition of those lyrics aren’t some typo. Those lyrics washed over me a few nights ago, and in my extreme frustration at what we are dealing with, I SURPRISINGLY began to ask myself, “Henry, what mountain is God asking you to climb with your arms wide open right now? And when I was honest with myself, the answer was that the Lord is asking me to climb the mountain of discomfort with arms wide open. To trust him fully in the unknown. And as I let that wash over me, I began to settle. Not at peace, because a lot of this isn’t peaceful. I would dare say none of it is. But I got filled with the peace that passes all understanding. (Philippians 4:7) And you know how that happened? I started thinking of how many people I know that I’ve seen just give it all in trust. And let me tell y’all, I was a reluctant participant in God’s design plan. But Then I thought back to all the lives I’ve seen God touch lately. And he has been making something beautiful. I’d like to share some what I’ve seen with y’all. I am by no means trying to minimize the craziness of this world, just trying to encourage hope. Because this world needs hope right now. And my friends, I’ve seen it. So, let me just share with y’all the hope and joy I’ve seen the past Six weeks. The mountains I’ve seen people climbing with arms wide open.
I’ll start with my Forever pastor Garrett Raburn and his wife (my dear sis) Gabrielle. They moved to New York summer 2019 to church plant. As they’re getting ready to launch this year, Covid-19 happens. But they adapted. They moved from Texas to NY to launch a physical church. But they’re making the best of it. If I was climbing an actual mountain (which I won’t ever do), Garrett Raburn would be my number one pick because he leaves no man left behind. To all my other dear pastors, I see yall. Kevin Ryan, Art, Tim N, Mark Carr, thank y’all for letting me serve alongside yall and letting me learn from yall. (Personal note, Tyler Briggs, I SEE YOU. And I’m so proud of you.)
I think of my Bro Joey and his wife Tiffani who haven’t let this stop them from leading worship at home for their church. Even with their newborn! I see you Joey & Tiff. I think of my friend Sarah who I’ve known for 12 years. Her and her husband (+kiddos) are on a base overseas serving and so removed from their loved ones. I see yall. As we talk lately, she wonders what her mountain is.
I think of all my teacher friends. Yall are climbing educational mountains that yall have never gotten paid enough for. I see yall. And for the first time, I hope everyone else does to. My Choir teacher friends, yall saved my life back in the day so please know that I DEFINITELY see y’all.) Also, I specifically think of my Friend Rani who teaches in an underfunded district with limited resources and how she’s still taking care of her kids. Rani, we see you. Tyler Long, I see you. My Sanity, Ms. Goodman, I see you. I think of my friends who are nurses, technicians, doctors, law enforcement, paramedics, and everything in between. Y’ALL ARE DOING IT!
I think of my Friend Joey and his wife LeeAnn who co-own a couple of businesses (with others) in town that depend on local traffic. I don’t think of them because their businesses are hurting. I think of them because I have personally witnessed them take care of so many people during this situation that its unreal.( Full disclosure, I’m crying as I type that about them because they have been the hands and feet of Jesus in so many ways lately in my own personal life that the only word to genuinely use about them is unreal.)
I think of my Friends Ash & JimBob (who hired me months ago to cater their sons first birthday party) and they had to cancel on April 3RD. If y’all knew what they went through to get through that first birthday for Bear, you would understand how disappointing it was for them. But they didn’t express that. Ash Messaged me and basically said “I give it all to you God, we will reschedule”. Climb that mountain with your arms wide open, Steen Family!
I think of my Hartmans. Becky & Jeff, I can’t wait to meet that nugget. Kevin Case, you are a real one. I also can’t help but to think of my boy Tayler. I was going to be his best man at his wedding in June. With everything going on, him and his bride got married just the two of them. And if there is one thing I know about his bride Julie that she told the lord “I give it all to you God.” And although I was saddened by missing that wedding, how could I not be joyful for a woman who says that? Tayler, that’s a woman. Follow each other as you both follow Christ.
I think of my friend Tony Green (of fort worth fame) who might be the person I know dealing with the most surrealist of situations. We unexpectedly had to lay his mom to rest March 8th. I haven’t hugged him since march 12th, The day our city went into shelter in place. To be afforded only four days to grieve in person with your loved ones is unimaginable and I know Tony’s heart and love goes out to anyone who’s going through the same. And if there is one thing Sandra Green taught her son Tony from birth, it was to Climb His Mountains with arms wide open. For those who are grieving, keep on climbing. Lou Charles, I see you representing 817. AS ALWAYS. DUDE. Lets get you a check. To all the business owners, artists and just everyone struggling. I SEE YALL. Keep Hustling.
To my friends who are pregnant and can’t share, I see y’all. AND I CAN’T Name y’all but I see y’all and the mountains you’re climbing without regular community. Also, to Erin & Todd, y’all showed so many of us what it means to trust God during unknown circumstances. SO WILL I. Erin, So Will I. To the skeptics who think y’all have the answers too, I hear yall. And I don’t discount your voices. I might not even disagree. yall got a voice. I’m also here to listen. Joel, for so many things lately, Thank you. In the words of Kesha, you are who you are. I see the mountains you are climbing and i’m so proud of you.
I started this piece as an acknowledgement and lament, but it ended as a praise. Honestly, it ended with something we fully don’t understand. Grace. Grace, what we don’t deserve but we freely get. And in that I say, “I lean not on my understanding, my life is the hands of maker of Heaven. I give it all to you God, trusting that you’ll make something beautiful out of me. So I will climb this mountain with my hands wide open, I will climb this mountain with my hands wide open.”
Y’all, I am trying to be so honest and authentic. With that stated, can I say something? Yall have been so gracious and kind to me. Like ridiculously so. And because I say that, I say this one thing. This isn’t me. It’s a person. And his name is Jesus. And to his name, I forever say. “I Will Climb This Mountain With my Arms Wide Open. And I will talk about him anytime. And he taught me to share his love with every person I encounter.
And oh, to yall’s kindness I didn’t touch upon. I see y’all. The anonymous donations from south Africa, Australia, twitter, coach, etc, I see y’all. To every single ByWasonga client, I see y’all. Jenny again, I see you. And to the Dereon Shirt, I see you Lem.
And to The people who modeled to their boys what authentic love is, my deepest gratitude.I Love y’all and your three sons. Mr& Mrs Satriano, this one is for you both.
