My One Defense, My Righteousness, O God How I Need You
If anything I just said speaks to you and your life experience, I want to engage you directly for a few moments.
You are not alone. You don’t have to hide. There is no shame in what you are experiencing. There’s nothing you’ve done or will do that makes you unworthy. Talking to someone about it might seem like the craziest, scariest thing you could do, and I’m not going to lie, it is a bit scary, and it is a bit crazy. But without a doubt, it is one of the bravest things you will ever do. As you begin to share, you will find freedom. God will set you on a journey full of unexpected grace, redemption and mercy.
It won’t always be fun. You will be misunderstood, you will be sad, you will be hurt. You will hurt others. You will question God. And that’s okay. God is not afraid of your questions, he welcomes them.
What I can tell you with unequivocal confidence, is that it will be worth it. God will place people in your life who will love you, who will walk with you, and who will step into your experience and help you carry your cross. He bore his cross alone so that we don’t have to. In your loneliness and longing, when healing hasn’t happened yet, he will be there. You won’t always know what to do, you will be frustrated. Through it all, Trust God. There’s a verse in Jeremiah 29 that is well known (11-for I know the plans I have for you..) While that verse is great and encouraging, the three verses that follow it have been speaking to me lately in regards to this experience. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. 13 You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart. 14 I will be found by you, declares the LORD, and I will restore your fortunes and gather you from all the nations and all the places where I have driven you, declares the LORD, and I will bring you back to the place from which I sent you into exile. Surrender your heart to him, wherever you are, he wants to restore you. Call out to him, he wants you to experience him.
He will break through in your seasons of disappointment. He is a God who will teach your feet how to dance upon disappointment. Following Jesus is not always going to be easy, but it will be worth it. I promise you that. As someone who has experienced most of the things the world has to offer, I can tell you that the ways of Jesus are better. I dare you to read the Bible. It’s not a rule book. It is not there to rip you off. Page after page, you will find instructions for a journey to freedom.
It is a costly discipleship. Wherever you are on this journey, don’t lose heart, hold fast and stay true. Four years ago, when I walked into this room, I had no idea where the Lord would take me. I just knew I had to be brave enough to trust him. Four days ago, I was in St. Louis for a conference known as ReVoice. The conference brought together 450 men and women from all over the country who live with Same Sex Desires but are committed to Christ and his teachings. They are saying “Although my flesh wants this, I will say no to it because Jesus is better.” Friday night during worship, I experienced a moment I will never forget. During worship, we sang the well known hymn It Is Well and at a particular moment, I believe the Lord allowed me to witness a foretaste of glory divine. 450 people singing “my sin oh the bliss of this glorious thought, my sin not in part but the whole, is nailed to the cross and I bear it no more, praise the lord, praise the lord oh my soul”. I was a voice in a chorus of some of the bravest Christians I have ever met.
I don’t know what my future holds, but I am glad I know the one who holds my future securely in his hands. Again, you are not alone. You have nothing to be ashamed of. Jesus loves you and wants to give you an abundant life. If you want to talk to someone, come grab me or anyone that’s in a maroon shirt after and let’s talk. I’m Henry Abuto and that is my story.
