I’m Tired: Why I’m Taking a Break from Publicly Speaking about Racial Diversity & Inclusion, LGBT issues + The Church, and The United States Immigration System.
That’s a long title, right? I couldn’t think of a shorter way to word that. Now that I have you, let’s jump right in. I will begin by acknowledging that I am extremely aware that I am not a public figure by any stretch of the imagination. I don’t think that highly of myself. I am a private individual who has lived/shared areas of his life publicly at times. I have been given platforms to do so and I remain grateful for that. I believe that if you have a platform and are entrusted by God with a voice and a unique perspective, you have an obligation to use it. But discernment in when and how to use it is key. And after much discernment, I want to say that I am tired. I need to recharge. A few things.
I am so much more than the topics I speak on. They are parts of who I am, but I am not reduced to those things. I have other passions, hobbies and interests but when you spend a lot of time speaking about something, you can start believing that that’s all you should talk about. It creates a pressure that makes you feel like you need to be “on” all the time. It is exhausting. It fuels the people pleaser in you, and it makes you feel like you are hyper scrutinized. Yes, I believe in accountability, especially regarding how we conduct ourselves through public speech and behavior, but it can get to unnecessary levels. People can’t live under a microscope. I need space to breathe.
The Church. To be very clear, I’m talking about the BIG C church here, specifically American Evangelical culture, and not any specific church. I must be honest; nothing has drained me more in the last three years than interacting with the Evangelical church. Again,to be clear, I have been and remain pro church. But the last three years have been an exercise in patience, grace and a Master class in how to charitably engage on these topics within a biblical perspective, specifically the lack of racial diversity and inclusion in predominantly white evangelical churches. Church, do better, period. Or just say you don’t care so people can move on. Side note- I do not see women being valued in the church the same way their male counterparts are. I’m not saying I want to change long held conservative theological stances in this area. But as my friend Caley says “lack of visibility communicates lack of value.” Why are we not valuing our women in the Church? Look no further than the treatment Beth Moore has experienced lately. It is honestly shameful.I am realizing that while I have a biblical responsibility to speak up, it is not my JOB. I shouldn’t be doing more work in these areas than the people who get paid to do them. These aren’t “Henry isues that he needs to just deal with”, these are systemic shortcomings that need to be addressed. It is troubling to me how many people seem to be blind to these things. But I’m taking a break because the emotional and intellectual labor is draining. It saddens me to say this (especially as a Christian) but Christians have proven to be some of the most difficult and unwilling people to have these conversations with. Fellow Christians, please stop using Ephesians 4:3 to silence people who you disagree with on topics just because the topics make you uncomfortable. It is not divisive to bring into light systemic and theological failings of the church. To use that scripture to silence people is an abuse of power.
The area I’ve lived my life the most publicly has been about my experience as a Celibate Gay Christian Man. I’ve written about it, spoken about it, and have been trusted and platformed to speak about it. I have been well loved and supported as I live out this calling. It is something that brings real meaning and joy to my life. But I am starting to feel weary here too. Not to my commitment to Jesus and how I feel I am to live my life, but weary of always talking about it. I have two more conferences this summer that I am participating in and I’m excited about, but after that, I will take a break from visible engagement about this area of my life. Just for a little while.
Immigration. As someone who is a legal foreigner residing in this country (which can change at any time due to things I have no control over), It is MADDENING to me how ill informed people in this country are about the immigration system and how broken it is. And how difficult it is to navigate. Please, be willing to learn and seek out accurate information. It’s out there. Learn compassion. I believe in laws, but I also believe that we must change broken systems.
Those are things I’m passionate about so I know with certainty I will speak on them publicly again but for now, I need a break. My brain and body are signaling me with a check engine light. I will of course continue to have these conversations in my personal life because after all, our personal relationships are where we can be most effective in positive dialogue. The brain space and emotional space that some of these things occupy need a reset, it hasn’t been sustainable.
What am I going to do in this break space? First, I’m going to spend more time alone with God. In the Gospel of Matthew (11: 28-30) Jesus says “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” So that is what I am going to do.
Second, starting next week, I will be attending counseling every other week for the foreseeable future. I am carrying things around that have been with me since childhood and it’s time to let them go. You can’t heal what you don’t reveal. I want to be emotionally, spiritually and physically healthy. I want to learn, acquire new tools, and engage people from all walks of life.
Third, I am going to be more present in my own life. I’ll be texting people back faster 😊 I want to invest more in the lives of my biological and chosen family members. I also have a small side business that is growing and I’m excited about where it’s headed. It needs my attention. I want to invest in my personal relationships. Friendship is my favorite thing ever! I want to show love to a hurting world. I finished writing a book this past spring that I need to devote time to editing if it is ever going to make it to a publisher. And I want to share other parts of my life more with people. Jesus came so that we may have life, life abundantly. So, as I take this public break, know that that is the life I am doing my best to live out. This self-imposed break isn’t permanent. I’ll be back! Thanks for reading!
